What Do I Want to be When I Grow Up? Authentically Me
I’m not going to lie. I’ve been struggling. I resigned from my hedge fund accounting job on April 30, 2010 – four months ago – to go “full time spiritual“. I started my blog, Art of Living Happy, in early June. I figured I was all set. Not only was I working with an incredibly talented internet marketing strategist, but I also no longer had to go to work everyday and deal with hostile people (one in particular). I was also released from the materialistic aspect of the hedge fund industry. I was free! I could spend all my time helping people open to their spiritual callings. Yay…
For two months everything was flowing nicely. I blogged consistently, the first month I wrote everyday, I had so much to say. All of my pent up stories flowed out of me with very little effort. Then August rolled around and I went dry, not only with ideas for my blog, but also with my drive for life. No, I didn’t think about killing myself – OK maybe I did a little, no real plans or anything, I just thought a lot about: what is the point of life?, why am I here? and what do I want to be when I grow up?
These important questions have been rolling around in my head for the past two months. Yesterday I had a couple of major epiphanies, which re-started my drive for life. The first one was that for most of my 43 years, I’ve been following others in almost everything that I have done. Whether it’s been doing exactly as a teacher asked for in school to get good grades (regardless of the fact if I learned the material), completing a complex tax return (what did they do last year?) or even taking a certification class in spiritual teachings (learning, embracing and spewing out somebody else’s idea of spiritual ideas). It’s time to follow my own path and to create my authentic self! The other epiphany I had was about how our society is so hyper concerned with people’s looks and with fame. I too have felt deep inside, since I was a child, that I would be famous. Is this egotistical? Maybe, but I truly feel it stems from the fact that the media portrays famous people to be the only people in our culture to have worth. Today I own the fact that I am not famous, and I still have worth – to my family, to my friends and to the many people I will come into contact with over the rest of my life.
Today is a new day, and today I take charge of my life. I am so blessed to have a loving husband, two beautifully growing high-school aged kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a gorgeous house on a lake that is paid for, three fully owned cars, and no credit card debt. I’m also a size four and weigh 120 pounds. I’m sure not many people can say this. I’m not bragging, I’m just owning who I am, as I am tired of apologizing for all the goodness in my life! I am convinced that by opening to spirit I have been granted all of these amazing attributes and more. If you want any or all of these things that I mentioned, I’d be happy to coach you – you have the answers inside of you – just like I’ve had all the answers inside of me all along, I just had to own being authentically me!
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